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Not Okay


Lately there have been plenty of moments where I've felt 'not okay.' The days when an awful concoction of stupid teenage anxieties and hormones have left me literally needing to give myself a pep talk to get our of bed. I want hot water bottles, old Gossip Girl episodes, and enough peppermint tea to last me a lifetime but tough luck, I can't have it. Because typically as I worry about this, it's a busy school morning, I can here my sisters shouting downstairs in a rush and oh wait. My cereal's probably soggy by now.  

I've been feeling so crappy about myself recently, more than usual, and it's driving me crazy. Each night I'm lying in bed with a bunch of worries and insecurities running though my head and I feel like there's no break from it at the moment. 'I hate this' about myself 'I hate that' have become everyday thoughts and I'm trying so hard to block it all out, and change my mindset... but it is so damn hard. Ugh. Sometimes I'm left pushing myself through the day, anxious and all emoshhh and it's that kind of 'not okay' that I can't really explain to people because most days it doesn't make sense even to me.
Yesterday I planned to get so much done. Reply to blog emails. Do an English essay. Pre-write a few posts. And as you probably guessed hardly any of this happened... but you know what that's okay.
 I need moments of 'not okay' if anything to help me appreciate the good days. I guess what I'm trying to say is no matter how bad you feel, it's never going to last forever and sometimes the simplest of things can change your mood. Like me, sitting here typing with a lemon squash next to me (I feel like I'm three years old again awee) on a sunny day and feeling so much more like myself, just from writing this and getting it all out. I'm able to relax or at least forget all the stupid little worries that spin round my head for a second, and just smile. Which is a feeling I really want more often.

Sorry for a bit of a down-hearted post, I really want my blog to be an actual representation of how I'm feeling, not just bright and happy posts so hence the ramble. Who knows, by next week I may read back on this and be in an entirely different place mentally, but for now I'm not okay but
 it's going to be
okay.


QOTD: WHAT'S ONE TINY THING THAT BRIGHTENED YOUR MOOD THIS WEEK?
You, reading this right now. You don't even understand how much y'all mean to me. 
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16 comments

  1. It's totally human to have moments like this, unfortunately we are not an overly confident species as a whole- topped with exam stress and pressure from almost every where to look and think a certain why, it's 100% explainable as to why we have these moments. All you need to think about is how you're not the alone and somewhere out there, there's another person who feels the same about themselves. Sometimes all you need to get out of this state of mind is to just not do anything, as you said, and not worry about not doing anything, also writing about what's worrying you and what's making you feel this way is so therapeutic. Hope you feel a little better :)

    Dalal .. Monochrome Daisies

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    1. Thanks so much, this comment really means a lot! You're so right, there's pressure from everywhere whether you're concious of it or not and sometimes over-thinking how you're feeling can make it even worse. Thanks again, lovely x

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  2. You're definitely not alone with the way you've been feeling lately! Life can be so tough and worries can sometimes really get the better of you. But as you said, it's ok to have these down days and not be alright. You always get through them and come out stronger at the other end. I really hope you start feeling more better soon! Always here if you need a chat though :) take care of yourself xx

    Lauren | itslaurenvictoria.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. You too Lauren! I feel so much better sharing stuff like this because it reminds me that I'm totally not alone xx

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  3. This is a really thoughtful post that I am happy that you shared. It's OK to be NOT OK.

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  4. This is normal and don't feel bad for going through this. Stay who you are, flaws and all. You are a better person for embracing this part of you and sharing it with your readers.

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    1. Aw that means a lot! Sometimes it's hard to remember that everyone has gone through the exact same thing <3

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  5. aw girl. I've genuinely been feeling down lately too and I just felt like I had to write a post on it. Whatever you're going through and how hard it may be, you'll get through it because you're a warrior. Trust me, there's so much good to come in your life and blessings along the way. Stay happy, positive, fresh and on track! love u! x


    sami | possiblysami.com

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    1. So glad we're able to share things like this! You too lovely xx

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  6. It's totally okay not to be okay, I hate having my down days, but they happen to everyone, we're all human! Just remember that if it gets too much for you that there'll always be someone that you can talk to!

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  7. It's completely okay to not always be okay, everyone has down days! Keep you're head up lovely, you got this!
    Love, Melissa x
    www.lovemelissax.co.uk

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    1. Definitely, and tysm Melissa <33

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  8. Hey Morg, better days will come. Heads up. Its ok not to be ok!
    Xoxo, Namirah

    www.nxmirah.blogspot.sg

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    1. Will be coming back to comments like these when I'm feeling down again! You're so lovely xx

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Thank you, all your lovely comments make me smile!