Lately there have been plenty of moments where I've felt 'not okay.' The days when an awful concoction of stupid teenage anxieties and hormones have left me literally needing to give myself a pep talk to get our of bed. I want hot water bottles, old Gossip Girl episodes, and enough peppermint tea to last me a lifetime but tough luck, I can't have it. Because typically as I worry about this, it's a busy school morning, I can here my sisters shouting downstairs in a rush and oh wait. My cereal's probably soggy by now.
I've been feeling so crappy about myself recently, more than usual, and it's driving me crazy. Each night I'm lying in bed with a bunch of worries and insecurities running though my head and I feel like there's no break from it at the moment. 'I hate this' about myself 'I hate that' have become everyday thoughts and I'm trying so hard to block it all out, and change my mindset... but it is so damn hard. Ugh. Sometimes I'm left pushing myself through the day, anxious and all emoshhh and it's that kind of 'not okay' that I can't really explain to people because most days it doesn't make sense even to me.
I need moments of 'not okay' if anything to help me appreciate the good days. I guess what I'm trying to say is no matter how bad you feel, it's never going to last forever and sometimes the simplest of things can change your mood. Like me, sitting here typing with a lemon squash next to me (I feel like I'm three years old again awee) on a sunny day and feeling so much more like myself, just from writing this and getting it all out. I'm able to relax or at least forget all the stupid little worries that spin round my head for a second, and just smile. Which is a feeling I really want more often.
Sorry for a bit of a down-hearted post, I really want my blog to be an actual representation of how I'm feeling, not just bright and happy posts so hence the ramble. Who knows, by next week I may read back on this and be in an entirely different place mentally, but for now I'm not okay but
it's going to be
QOTD: WHAT'S ONE TINY THING THAT BRIGHTENED YOUR MOOD THIS WEEK?You, reading this right now. You don't even understand how much y'all mean to me.